8 1/2 Minutes that Might Turn You into a Vegetarian

You know, I enjoy a good steak as much as the next person. Okay, maybe I enjoy a good steak more than the next person. I mean, look at this: Mr. MindYourOwnReality's birthday dinner last weekend. Filet mignon, grilled medium rare atop garlic mashed potatoes and capped with steamed asparagus and a smoooooth bernaise. Ahhh.

Yum, right? Go ahead, click the picture--get a closeup. You can almost smell it.

Then somebody sends me this video (I know it's long, but holy smokes you've gotta see this):




Wait for it. Watch the whole thing. Okay, if you're really in a hurry you can watch the first few minutes then slide the bottom bar thingy ahead to see the finished product. Got it? Okay, read on...

Did you see that?! The elephant can paint. And not only can the elephant paint, but the elephant can paint AN ELEPHANT. Okay, okay, let's assume someone trained the elephant to paint an elephant. Let's assume (let's hope, even) that the beast didn't just whip that up the first time it had access to a brush. But even if it is trained to do that, doesn't that show a pachydermal-cognizance you didn't know existed? I know, I know, what's that got to do with steak? We don't eat elephants-- but they do in Bangkok-- there it's considered to improve sexual performance (must be somethin' about trunk-strength). And isn't the Thai people's taste for elephant just as arbitrary as our taste for the cow-- an animal which is sacred to Hindus? I mean, go with me here. There are people in the world who can't believe we eat cow. We find it repugnant that some in China eat dogs. But if a dog painted a self portrait, they'd probably stop, right? And they certainly wouldn't eat Faith the Biped Dog-- would they?




So what does this mean? I'm a confusedavore. A guiltitarian. I looooove the steak, but... What if I'm eating a potential Vincent VanCow? Pablo Piccata-so? Georgia O'Beef? Could we be surprised at bovine abilities if we only gave them a chance? Do we want to open that can of worms? Or--if we gave them a can opener, do you think they could open it themselves???

I think I'm prepared to draw a line in the sand. If anyone posts a YouTube video of a cow doing a self portrait, I'll stop eating them. But so far, I searched YouTube for cow videos and all I found was this:






Hmm. If intelligence is the key factor, maybe they should eat us.