You hungry?

This made me laugh so hard milk came out my nose. And I wasn't even drinking milk at the time.

People sometimes ask what it was like working for Charles. It was just like this.

Gopher Choolie...

But aren't they gonna be pissed when they find out we've had HD-TV for years?

Uncontacted tribe sighted in Amazon. Click here.

I'm so Green! And Smug! And my clothes are stiff as a board!

Photo: Sara Remington for the NYTimes.

We're finally wind and solar powered here at the Mind Your Own Reality Commune: I started hangin' out the laundry. Yeehah. Carbon footprint: shrinking. And we're composting and growing our own vegetables, and keeping bees and..

I just had a flash-- I've been getting them lately-- well, not that kind, although I get those, too, like someone just cranked up your internal pizza oven to "crispy." What is up with that? Is it not bad enough to get grey hairs and fine wrinkles and 7 pounds around the middle? Must we sweat like linebackers, too? But anyway, the other kind of flash-- the one where I rise up out of my body, look back at myself, and see my mother in the 1970s. The only things I'm missing are I don't make my own clothes (but I wish Mom were still here to teach me how), and I don't have one of those Another Mother For Peace pendant necklaces like Mom did:

Oh yeah, and my Mom wasn't smug... But other than that, pretty close. So I tell you what-- I'm gonna be another mutha and get me one of them there necklaces. (Then I'll be smug and fashionable.)

What was it that crazy French guy said on Cheers once? "Plus ca change, plus c'est le meme chose."

"The more things change, the more they stay the same."

(Smug, fashionable and pseudo-intellectual.. hmmm. Maybe not like Mom at all. Maybe more like Cliff Clavin.)

Oh yeah, the point of this whole thing-- did you know they have ordinances against clotheslines in some communities? I guess folks are too fragile to see the dainties of others flapping in the breeze. Ain't we precious?

If you need help exercising your right to dry: go here.





June 10 Update: Heat wave...4 days of 95 degrees. Screw global warming. And smugness. I'm turning on my AC. Carbon footprint - EXPANDING. Oh, well..

That explains it

Your Assignment

Give me five sentences about something that happened to you in the past two weeks, each sentence containing at least two adjectives and one adverb. Extra points if your story has a moral or ends with a pithy maxim.

Note: With the exception of the pithy maxim part (which I added solely because I like the phrase "pithy maxim,") this assignment is stolen from my daughter's second grade homework. I'll go first:

The deli boy quickly convinced me to buy the delicious Welsh cheddar. Although I had never tried it before, his ardent enthusiasm and boyish charm overwhelmed my skepticism. After all, who would expect a wide-eyed, gangly, eighteen-year-old grocery clerk to have a strong opinion of imported dairy products? Not I; I prejudiciously presumed that his youthful expertise would pertain only to fast food burgers and sugary colas. It just goes to show: you should never judge a grocery clerk by his cover and why buy the mystery cheese when you get the advice for free?

Deadly Handsome Men

No Reservations. No comedy, either.

Arrg! It happened to me again.. based on a trailer, I think I'm going to see a nice romantic comedy, and wind up instead with a drama.

I'm not saying it wasn't an okay movie. Sorta. I mean, the leads had no chemistry, and I'm not a fan of Cathy Jones anyway-- and I spent quite a bit of time squinting at the male lead trying to decide if he was attractive or not. But the food looked good. And yes yes if I had read the synopsis on the DVD sleeve I would've known that there was tragedy involved. But for those of us who like to read as little of the plot line as possible before the movie, that trailer up there was a total bait and switch. S'all I'm sayin'.

Recently Stumbled Upon

It's sometimes difficult to be patient with an old style storyteller- a raconteur- in this age of instantaneous communication, information at the speed of light. But this is worthwhile if you have a few minutes to smile:




Update: After I stumbled on that, I sought out this. And this first clip sort of shows what I was talking about. I love Jon Stewart-- Love him-- but his pace is wrong for O'Toole. He's too fast-- he needs to be more patient.



But Jon slowed down and redeemed himself a bit in Part II of the interview. I'd say if this were The Battle of the Interviewers, Letterman kicked ass. He proves that there is an art to shutting the heck up.

Dude You're Like Eating the Sun

Heaven for Movie Geeks

Here's a list of "blunders" in best picture winners and "notable nominees."

There are 90 of them. Who is this observant? Who is this anal?

Click here.

My personal favorite:

10 of 90 :
"Gangs Of New York"
2002 Best Picture Nominee

Just before an 1846 street battle, Priest Vallon recites a prayer: "St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle! Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil." Unfortunately, that prayer wasn't written until 1888.

Chortle, chortle. Oh, silly movie people -- didn't know the prayer was an anachronism. They must've fallen asleep in Comparative Religions of the 19th Century class! Oh, how intellectually superior we feel! Chuckle, chuckle. Snicker. Dungeons and dragons, anyone? I'm Dungeon Master!

Runner Up:


36 of 90 :
"Rain Man"
1988 Best Picture

Raymond (Dustin Hoffman) says his father removed him from his home on Saturday, Jan. 21, 1965. Jan. 21, 1965 was a Thursday.


We know that! We were just trying to drive you OCDers crazy! Bwahahahahah!

Cultural Interlude

And now for an haiku from Choolie:

I'm a total dork
But I know he's got my back--
I'll make him some toast.

Economic Term of the Day

lipstick effect - n. During a recession, the tendency for consumers to purchase small, comforting items such as lipstick rather than large luxury items.

I just bought some Maybelline Moisture Extreme lipstick in Rosy Glow. It works. I feel comforted. And luxuriated.


(and pretty. Oh so pretty.)

Country Roads, Take Me Home...

Jon Stewart on Hillary's recent win

Could Hillary be Veep?

Whether Barack wants it or not? Bob Beckel says "Count on it."

[Bob Beckel managed Walter Mondale’s 1984 presidential campaign. He is a senior political analyst for the Fox News Channel and a columnist for USA Today. Beckel is the co-author with Cal Thomas of the book "Common Ground."]

Al Gore Watch Day One

"May 15 (Bloomberg) -- John Edwards's endorsement yesterday of Barack Obama leaves former Vice President Al Gore as the major Democratic figure still on the sidelines in the party's presidential race." Click here for the whole analysis at Bloomberg.com.

The Game Ender?

Our own Officer/Chef/Rocker Danny sent this picture to me with the caption:

This is "Van Helsing" and the wooden Stake:-)


[He's referencing his answer to my last week question, "If George Stephanopoulos says it's over, does that mean it finally is?" Danny commented at the time, "...only when "Van Helsing" or someone like him drives a wooden stake through her heart. "]

Is this it? Is this the wooden stake? I was listening to Margery Eagan [not a Hillary fan] on talk radio yesterday who was suddenly coming up with reasons to feel sorry for Hillary. I was surprised to be right there with her.

Hill wanted this forever. She waited through her husband's reign--as patiently as possible-- for her turn. And. This. Guy. From. Illinois. Comes out of nowhere and.. Argh!

I know, I know... that's every candidate's story. But even though she's pissed me off a bunch of times, it's hard not to feel sympathetic. Do I feel more sympathetic to her because she's a woman? Because I've seen her cry? Because I know it's hard not to look hippy in a royal blue pantsuit?

Probably. I didn't cry for John. Or Bill. Or Mitt. Or Rudy.

I wonder, will we miss Hill when she's gone? More important, will she ever be gone?


Update: Eeeek. Here's Hill getting all choked up talking about Chelsea with Wolf Blitzer. Man. I just want to hug her. And vote for her. And.. dagnabbit that darned estrogen.

Are you kidding me?

Herald Story (and source of this photo) here.


As I prepare my daughter for her kindergarten Memorial Day Presentation, and we practice songs celebrating brotherhood from sea to shining sea, I wonder about stuff like this T-shirt.

And Speaking Of Bill O'Reilly...

Duke and the Drivers, circa 1975

Photo courtesy of Chef Danny, king of the Weber Charcoal Grill, former law enforcement during the Great IHOP heist of '72.

Bill O'Reilly's lawyer is the one of the far left (surprisingly enough). Danny is next to him.

The O'Reilly You Didn't Know

Yeesh. Click here. (Warning: sound low. Bill says some naughty words.) Be sure to come back afterward! There's more!

Did you enjoy that? Now you must go here to see The Colbert You Didn't Know.

This just in: Bill to talk about the clip tonight on his show, Wednesday 5/14. (If you care.)

The Inside Edition video is disappearing from the internet. It has been pulled off YouTube-- "CBS claims copyright infringement." and it has disappeared from the Huffington Post. Click on the Gawker link before it's gone from there, too. If you can't get it at any of those sources, someone put up this nifty remix (WARNING: F-BOMB. Keep sound low.):

The Force is with Him

Charles posted this on his blog, so I apologize to those of you who have already seen it.

For those who haven't seen it, this is the bomb.

The Empire Strikes Barack:



Okay, okay, I'm an Obamaniac.

For the record: on his blog, Charles said Hillary Haters from all sides will love this. I never thought of myself as a Hillary Hater. I'm a person who is Extremely Annoyed by Hillary. Again and again throughout the campaign, she has thrown issues at Barack-- like his statements about Reagan for example. That's the first one I remember. He explained what he meant in a way that everyone could understand-- and I'm sure Hillary understood, she had made previous similar statements herself-- but she continued to spin his statements the wrong way. Every time he makes a gaffe and explains or apologizes, she continues on as if she never heard the explanation- WHY? Because she thinks WE DON'T UNDERSTAND THE EXPLANATION. Which means she thinks we're stupid. Call me Otto, but that drives me nuts:



Like Otto, I am sometimes not exactly correct.. And I know I'll take some heat here from people who don't like Obama's explanations. That's fair. But even if you fall into that category, you can't deny that Hil thinks you're stupid. Arugula-gate labels OBAMA elitist? Uh-uh. Those farmers he was talking to know exactly what arugula is. (To quote that mook Vinny Antonelli (Steve Martin) in My Blue Heaven, "It's a veg-eh-tah-ble.") And guess what? Hillary didn't have to look up "arugula" either. Sure, perhaps the price of arugula at Whole Foods wasn't first on the farmers' agenda... but if they make their living growing veg-eh-tah-bles, then they are aware that arugula is popular in some markets, and shopping for that veg-eh-tah-ble at Whole Foods is probably an experience that Barack has actually had at some point. Wouldn't it be disingenuous if he drawled, "Y'all seen the price o' grits down the Piggly Wiggly?" Citing a "Bubba Gap" because Barack mentions arugula is not dissing Obama, folks. It's dissing Bubba. But we're not smart enough to figure that out, because Hil will drink a Bud with us.

I'd rather have a latte with Barack.

I'm so excited! (I think.)

It's a risky move for Harrison Ford, reprising the Indy Jones role. He holds a special place for us now, frozen in time, like this:



I mean, seriously yummy, right? He was really cute as Han Solo, but we really took notice of him in the Indiana Jones movies, when he was just...So... Ripe. Succulent. LLLLLLLLLuscious.

Sigh.

Nineteen years later can he still make our little hearts go pitter-pitter-pitter-pat-Pat-pitter-PAT?



I dunno. I hope so. Of course, the studios are hedging their bets by pairing him with a cute little boy:

And yeah, the boy's nice looking. But he ain't succulent. He needs more time on the tree. Or in the oven. Or whatever you do with that to turn it into this:



Look at that face, those eyes. I just feel it in my bones. He KNOWS things. Secret things. Things I want to know, too. That boy up there, eh.. not so much.

Let me tell you 'bout

Heidi the Science Kit- I mean Cougar (she prefers Cougar to Kitten) --Heidi the Science Cougar and Mr. Mind Your Own Reality install the bees.

Heidi the Science Elvis Impersonator suits up.

May the force be with you.

Sting Count:
Heidi the Science Cougar: 2
Eager 8-year-old assistant Meredith: 1

Meanwhile, in a backyard not too far away, Mr. Science Cougar was having a nice mow when his lawn machine decided to go out in a blaze of glory. Literally. Mr. Cougar managed to grab the garden hose and douse the fire before the flames reached the tank.

Heidi the Science Kitten and Mr. Mind Your Own Reality

Are starting a joint beekeeping venture in my backyard. Stay tuned for pictures. In the meantime, I have started collecting bee and honey themed songs for a CD compilation I'm going to burn. Suggestions welcome. Enjoy this one:

Totally Classic

Something over on Charles' Blog made me remember this sketch:

If George Stephanopoulos Says It's Over..

..does that mean it finally is?

I heart Tom Hanks

And he hearts Barack Obama. So my mind is made up...

Beware: Celebrity Endorsement

"The Arugula-and-Latte Candidate"

Margery Eagan on how Hillary has managed to paint herself woman-of-the-people to Barack's "arugula-and-latte" candidacy.

"Suddenly the biracial son of a single mother on food stamps has become the arugula-and-latte candidate, Mr. All-Organic please. The guy who just paid off his student loans has morphed into an effete Harvard philosopher king who has no clue as to how real people live. And this is before we even get into the nutty reverend mess.

Meanwhile, Hillary, $109 million in the bank and 30 years of life in a taxpayer-financed glass bubble, is champion of the little people. Their plight she understands completely. “She’s worked the night shift, too,” says a new Clinton ad comparing her to a waitress. I guess she refilled ketchup bottles somewhere between Wellesley, Yale Law and the Arkansas governor’s manse."

Read the whole column at the Boston Herald website.

Celebrity Plastic Surgery

Fountain of Youth or Font of Phoniness? Check out MSNBC's slideshow.

Gas lines form on Nantucket before prices jump 60 cents

$4.56 on Nantucket! From the Boston Globe.

Hard to believe, but every word is true

After reading this, I went to "legitimate" news sites and confirmed it all. At face value, it's extremely sad... on a metaphorical level, it's spine chillingly spoooooooky.

From Wonkette.com:

".. WHERE TO BEGIN: Hillary Clinton's pick to win horse racing's Kentucky Derby, Eight Belles — the only female horse in the race — finished second, broke both front ankles, and subsequently was put to death on the track. The first place horse was 'Big Brown.' Go nuts."

From the commenters on Wonkette:

"by SayItWithWookies

This is only a test. If this had been an actual Hillary metaphor, Eight Belles, after breaking both ankles and being euthanized, would've gotten up again and started stumbling around the track some more."

" by SwanSwanH

This analogy doesn't work, because Barry's horse is a unicorn named Dreamsicle, and Walnuts bet the ranch on a charioteer named Spartacus. "

"by amygdala1 at 06:18 AM on 05/04/08

*

There once was a filly Eight Belles,
To which Hillz supported all-tells
Had to go down
Right on the ground
Let's shift the focus to lapels"

"by liberaltruthsayer at 11:23 AM on 05/04/08 *

nice limerick amygdala...I was thinking of doing a haiku (as I am oft to do...)

Sad day at derby
gluey end for belle but wait
portends well dark horse.

hmmmm"

Cocinero (chef) Danny's Cinco de Mayo Chicken

Break out your Webers! It's time for a fiesta! Arriba!

Mojo-Marinated Chicken Tacos
with Tomatillo Salsa

Prep time: 25 minutes
Marinating time: 2 hours
Grilling time: 16 to 20 minutes

Marinade
1/4 cup fresh orange juice
3 tablespoons fresh lime juice
3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh cilantro
1 tablespoon finely chopped jalapeño chile pepper, including seeds
1 tablespoon minced garlic
3/4 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt


4 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves (without tenders), about 8 ounces
each

Salsa
1 medium yellow onion, cut into 1/2-inch slices
Extra virgin olive oil
10 medium tomatillos, about 1/2 pound total, husked and rinsed
1 small jalapeño chile pepper, stem removed
1/4 cup lightly packed fresh cilantro leaves and tender stems
1 medium garlic clove
1/2 teaspoon dark brown sugar
1/2 teaspoon kosher salt

12 flour tortillas (8 inches)
3/4 cup sour cream

1. In a medium bowl whisk the marinade ingredients. Place the chicken in a
large, resealable plastic bag, and pour in the marinade. Press out the air
and seal the bag tightly. Turn the bag to distribute the marinade, place the
bag in a bowl, and refrigerate for 2 hours.

2. Lightly brush the onion slices on both sides with oil. Brush the cooking
grate clean. Grill the onion slices, tomatillos, and jalapeño over direct
high heat (450°F to 550°F), with the lid closed as much as possible, until
lightly charred, 6 to 8 minutes, turning once or twice and swapping their
positions as needed for even cooking. Be sure the tomatillos are completely
soft as you remove them from the grill. Combine the onions slices,
tomatillos, and jalapeño in the bowl of a food processor fitted with a metal
blade, along with the remaining salsa ingredients. Process until fairly
smooth. Taste and adjust the seasonings. Pour the salsa into a serving bowl.

3. Remove the chicken from the bag and discard the marinade. Separate the
tortillas into 2 piles of 6 tortillas each. Wrap each pile in a sheet of
aluminum foil. Grill the chicken over direct medium heat (350°F to 450°F),
with the lid closed as much as possible, until the meat is firm to the touch
and completely opaque in the center, 10 to 12 minutes, turning once or twice
and swapping their positions as needed for even cooking. At the same time,
grill each packet of tortillas over indirect medium heat until warm and
soft, 3 to 5 minutes. Remove the chicken and tortillas from the grill. Keep
the tortillas in the foil while you slice the chicken as thinly as possible.

4. To serve, put some sliced chicken in each warm tortilla. Pass the salsa
and sour cream for toppings. Serve right away.

Makes 4 to 6 servings