Decision 08

You decide:



Thanks again to TheGospelAccordingToJohn blog.

Milk and Cookies Mommies for Barack

Thanks to: The Gospel According to John (blog).

Breaking news: your bits and pieces may be shrinking

But I'm confused, Anderson.. which are the "bits" and which are the "pieces?"

Becoming Jane - The C-word Chafes America

Jane Fonda accidentally said the c-word on the Today show yesterday. Today we're all a twitter... (Herald article here.) The video is below, not kid friendly.

Warning- R-rated. Kids go to pbskids.org.



"Oh Sh_t, I said 'c__t!'"

(Oh, come on, it's a little funny! They were talking about The Vagina Monologues. In the banner beneath her is written "The V-Word." C-word, V-word, potayto, potahto. It's a slip of like, nineteen letters. Cut her some slack. She lives in Georgia. )

Don't you Fox on me, ever!

Woo snap!

Cougars for Obama

Got P.I.L.F?

Hmmm...

I got a gazillion hits on this blog the other day when I talked about Tom Brady jetting off to Costa Rica with his GF Gisele. Now the Boston Herald's Inside Track is talking about it again, with dozens of comments from readers who claim that Gisele and Tom are just way too cool to spend time with Brady's son and change poopy diapers, so they're escaping to someplace warm. I'm thinking they're escaping those commenters... There is some serious fascination with The Tom, people either idolize or REALLY HATE him, with the "issue" of his being an absentee Dad the main excuse for the vitriol. It's kind of humorous. I predict there will be congressional hearings about it soon.

And, Mr. Brady, when you were fondling the supermodel in Costa Rica, were you thinking about your son?

Wait. I guess that's a bad question. Let me rephrase...



Yeah, I watched the Roger Clemens hearing yesterday. Is the Rocket lying? Maybe. Maybe not. But his accuser definitely has lied, on several occasions, by his own admission. And we're trying to get Roger on drug use-- drug use so long ago that he can't be prosecuted anymore. Oh wait, we're not trying to get Roger on drug use, we're trying to get Roger on lying about drug use.

So we're listening to McNamee-- a guy who has admitted to lying about drugs-- and we're talking about giving him immunity for lying about drugs, so we can go after Roger... for lying about drugs.

Is this the same congressional body who refuses to consider impeachment because it would be a "distraction?"

Wait... "distraction..." Didn't our Prez used to be a baseball owner? Oh, yeah... A reporter yesterday quoted an unnamed "source on the Hill" as saying the president wants cleaning up major league baseball to be part of his legacy. Mmm-hmmm. I wonder what was going on at the White House yesterday while all of the cable news networks had their cameras trained on Roger?

Happy Valentine's Day

Jane was driving home from a business trip in northern New Mexico when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the old woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Jane tried in vain to make small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every detail. Then she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Jane. "What in bag?" asked the old woman. Jane looked down at the bag and answered, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.

Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:"Good trade."

My living will

Last night my best friend and I were sitting in the kitchen and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle to keep me alive. That would be no quality of life at all, If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

So she got up, unplugged the computer, and threw out my wine.

She's such a bitch.

Ron Paul won't endorse McCain

Boy, I bet the Republican party wishes he would go away, but Ron Paul is not a party animal. He has ruled out a third party bid for the White House, and has scaled back his presidential campaign to concentrate on reelection to his congressional seat, but he won't bow out formally until the convention and he won't back McCain because he (in his own words) "can not support anybody with the foreign policy he advocates — you know, perpetual war…I think it’s un-American, unconstitutional, immoral, and not Republican."

They kept laughing at him during the debates. Who's chuckling now? (CNN Story Here.)

Like Jerry Lewis and David Hasselhof, I'm better in French...

I was checking out those blog statistics again, and I saw one of my visitors today was from France. I can see that the visitor looked at one of my posts translated into French. I clicked on the link, and this is what I saw (makes me look brainy, don't it?)

J'ai appris quelque chose de nouveau aujourd'hui!

Et maintenant, je peux citer Juvénal dans l'original latin!

J'étais plus sur Charles blog, et l'un des commentaires sur le blog Patriots détachement a affirmé: «Notre société adore les mauvaises choses ... distraction [s] comme Bread and Circus». Hein? N'est-ce pas comme un marché des aliments entiers ou quelque chose "? Bonjour, Wikipedia?

Bread and Circuses réfère à faible coût et faible qualité, la haute disponibilité de nourriture et de loisirs qui sont devenus le seul intérêt du peuple, à l'exclusion des questions que certains estiment plus important: par exemple, les arts, les projets de travaux publics, les droits de l'homme , Ou de la démocratie elle-même.

Umm.. Vous pouvez comme Big Mac et Paris Hilton? Uh Oh. Il va sur le site:

Cette expression provient d'Satire X du poète romain Juvénal de la fin du 1er et le début du 2ème siècle. Dans son contexte, l'expression latine panem et circenses (du pain et des jeux) est donnée comme le seul soucis reste d'une population romaine, qui a renoncé à son droit inné de la liberté politique:

... Il ya longtemps déjà, à partir du moment où nous avons vendu notre voix à aucun homme, Les gens ont abdiqué nos devoirs, pour les gens qui était une fois Remise de commandement militaire, civile haute fonction, légions - tout, maintenant Retient lui-même et espère anxieusement que pour deux choses: Du pain et des jeux

... ... iam pridem, ex quo suffragia nulli Iam pridem, ex quo suffragia nulli uendimus, effudit curas; nam qui dabat olim Uendimus, effudit curas; nam qui dabat olim imperium, fasces, legiones, omnia, nunc se Imperium, fasces, legiones, omnia, nunc se continet atque duas tantum res anxius optat, Continet atque duas tantum res anxius optat, panem et circenses . Panem et circenses. ... ... (Juvenal, Satire 10.77-81) (Juvénal, Satire 10.77-81)

Je pense que je vais mémoriser comme partie truc! Buuuuurp.

Update: Tom Brady is NOT a moron

Okay, I saw the video below this morning, of Tom Brady's ex-GF and mama of his baby, and she is so wonderful and engaging, I thought, boy, Tom is a moron. It wasn't a really well-formed and thought-out opinion. It was just one of those passing things. And I wrote some nonsensical and not-nice stuff about Tom and his current girlfriend. I was just spouting off to the 8 or so friends that normally read my blog, people who know enough not to pay any attention to me and my psychotic rantings, so I barely gave it another thought.

The problem: I recently installed one of those statistics counters on my website, so I now can see how many people visit in a day, and how many of them are new, and how many of them are repeaters. Eeek! 27 new people so far today, along with the 8 regulars. Twenty-seven people saw me call Tom's current girlfriend a hungry, man-eating robot, whose attempt at munching on his foot caused his current limp. That was wrong. And very bad. (Not to mention inaccurate!) So I'd like to speak to the twenty-seven new visitors, if you all would only come back for a moment:

Tom Brady's not a moron. He's a highly successful athlete, and as a fan and a human being, I am ashamed. His current GF looks lovely-- I can't say anything beyond that, because I've only ever seen her picture. She pouts a lot, I know, but then if you look at most women's magazines, it seems you're SUPPOSED to pout when you're wearing lingerie. It's like a rule. I'm sure she's wonderful and well-fed, and they're a lovely couple.

That being said, his ex is still adorable and I like this video.

PS I'll either start watching what I say-- and stop just posting random, from the hip, formed-at-the-water-cooler opinions, or I'll close this blog and make it only accessible to a few savvy and forgiving friends. But I'll try not to be mean to good old Tom anymore.

What happened to "Mittmentum?"

Mrmoss said...

It's a good day for America, Romney has suspended his campaign. His reason? Well to continue his campaign would " ... be part of aiding a surrender to terror." And it's hard to argue with that. But for Mitt we might end up with a president whose middle name is Hussein or even worse, an unstable woman who I'm pretty sure has a bomb strapped on under her stylish pant suit. Thank you, patriot Mitt, if only you had bought houses in more than 3 states your delegate count might have been higher.

Romney suspends campaign

Perhaps it's because he's just not getting the R.O.I....

From the Huffington Post:

Republican campaign operatives call it the Gramm-o-meter, the money a candidate spends per delegate won, in honor of Phil Gramm, the former Texas senator who spent $25 million and won just 10 delegates, or $2.5 million per, in 1996.

By Republican strategist Alex Vogel's calculation, Mitt Romney is giving Gramm a run for his money. The former Massachusetts governor has spent $1.16 million per delegate, a rate that would cost him $1.33 billion to win the nomination.

Or perhaps, as MrMoss quoted, it really is all about not aiding surrender to terror, and the bomb-strapped lady in the stylish pantsuit.

Truth in Advertising

WGA!

I miss the writers. Super Tuesday, Fat Tuesday, a nexus that should produce a veritable cornucopia of comedy, and all I can find on the 'Net is an election-day drinking game (been there, done that, puked on the t-shirt) and a recipe for KingMaker Cupcakes. That's all well and good, but where's the rim shot? Where's the spit-take? Lucy! You got some splainin to do. Please. Something!

Don't look at me. I ain't got it either. Two hours of surfing, and I've barely cracked a smile. DeNiro's endorsing Obama. Nicholson's endorsing Hillary. You talkin' to me? Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here. C'mon, Writers Guild of America. Tote that bong, lift that bale, and show me the funny!

Chad Vader, Episode VI

Let's forget Superbowl XLII with a little Chad VI, shall we? Chad episodes only go up to VIII (or is it IIX?), so the plot thickens... like a roux.

Note: this is Chad Vader 6. If you need to catch up, click these links:
Chad Vader I
Chad Vader II
Chad Vader III
Chad Vader IV
Chad Vader V

Chad Vader VI:

Heavy Sigh

Okay, obviously I'm not a sports blogger, and I can't add any spectacular sports-nerdy insight to the bitter disappointment that was last night's Superbowl loss to the NYGiants. But before we put this behind us and look ahead to Super Tuesday, let me just add my brief two cents: We're Boston sports fans. We're all about the struggle. We live it, breathe it, need it. Near-perfection with the promise of struggling again next year-- well, in our case, that's probably better than perfection. Gives us all something to live for.

The is like the best thing ever

For grownups, though. Kids-- go to webkinz.com

Grownups, check this out:


The scoop from MrMoss:It's even better if you know the story. Jimmy Kimmel is Sara's real life boyfriend. Stealing a bit from the Larry Sanders show about
David Duchovny who always got bumped for a lesser guest, Kimmel has
been announcing for years that Damon would be on his show but
somehow he gets bumped for a D-list celebrity every time. The video
was done for Kimmel's 5th anniversary show as Damon's revenge.

I Heart Obama

I dunno. I was watching that debate last night and I got that old peculiar feeling. He's got the little sonsin'-sonsin'. AND he's a left-handed! I love lefties!

Call me the new Obama girl.

Know what else? He (unlike Hillary) is rooting for the Pats! We're peas in a pod, we are! Now, if I could just get him to join my Survivor discussion group!

Go Pats!

A woman had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As she sat down, a man came along and asked her if anyone was sitting in the seat next to her.

"No," she said, "the seat is empty."

"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl , the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"

Somberly, the woman said, "Well... the seat actually belongs to me. I was supposed to come here with my husband, but he passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we have not been together since we got married in 1967."

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else - a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The woman shook her head, "Nah, they're all at the funeral."

Friday Afternoon Funnies

Thanks, Nancypants.

Giddy-Up-Ba-Oom-Pa-Pa-Mau-Mau

With all the excitement about Superbowl Sunday and Super Duper Tuesday, you might think I've forgotten about Super-Spectacular-Droolbucket-Thursdays.

I haven't.

Next Thursday, Feb 7, Survivor Micronesia, Fans v. Favorites Premieres, 8pm CBS.

(It's a guilty pleasure. So sue me.)

You got your James, your Yau-man, your Ozzy-the-Jungle-Boy... Villians Johnny Fairplay, and crazy Jonathan. And lots of chicks in bikinis, with that roaming, fuzzy blue dot that obscures their naughty-bits.

Join us! We're going to have a Survivor discussion group. Like a book club. Only... dumber.

Democrats feel the love

Everyone's talking about how civilized the debates were last night, but there was an undercurrent. While they were apparently hugging each other, Barry and Hill were kidney punching. And in the end, when Wolfie Blitzer asked if they could put their differences aside and form a dream ticket, and Barack mentioned his cabinet-- that wasn't a "yes" Wolf. That was a "I'm gonna make her Under Secretary of Screeching Harridan Who Has to Do Crap Nobody Else Wants to Do, Wolf." Don't be fooled. I don't see the ticket. Or if Hill does get the nod and invites Barack to be her running mate-- well, remember that rumor that after Bill's inauguration, Hillary wanted to take the Veep office and banish Gore to a coat closet out back somewhere? That'd be Barack-- trying to cram his desk into the under-butler's pantry while Hill gives the Veep office to Chelsea. That's my prediction.

Oh, okay, maybe not. But I think they don't like each other. For real. But on the surface, they were smiling.

Wonkette liveblogged the debate. Some funny lines:

9:11 — 9:11! And ooh, that’s James “Pierce Bond” Brosnan in the crowd! James Bond should run for president, since it’s 9:11.
9:12 — I hate it when a question’s so bad that Hillary can use that [expletive removed] canned answer: “It took a Clinton to clean up after the first Bush White House, it’ll take a Clinton to clean up the second” (almost verbatim). At least if John McCain’s president, he’ll pass some pinko liberal campaign reform bill to ban that phrase.
9:13 — [LOUDEST APPLAUSE IN AMERICAN HISTORY AT HILLARY’S DUMB [expletive removed] RESPONSE THAT 2 CLINTONS AND 2 BUSHES CANCEL EACH OTHER OUT SO IT’S LIKE GEORGE W. BUSH NEVER HAPPENED].
9:16 — Hillary: I hate Iraq! We’ll be out of there in five seconds, one sweep o’ the ol’ Clinton Oval Office pen.
9:17 — It’s just the contingencies with Irq, the contingencies. Contingencies tend to turn out “Republican-favoring.”
9:18 — Also, I stole that Oval Office pen from the White House in 2001, like with the couches. It all needs to go back home, right? Vote Hillary!
9:21 — Barack: I didn’t have a say in the vote to go to Iraq, but I’ll make a decision about the future, after I smoke this b*tch.
9:22 — WOLF! Ha ha, he just told Hillary “THAT IS A CLEAR SWIPE AT YOU.” That’s not an exaggeration, one loose preposition at most.
9:23 — Hillary cries inside, but it’s probably fake.
9:24 — Hillary: Barack may have voted for some arbitrary spending boost to prevent the troops in Anbar province from starving, forever. Now how can he say he opposed the decision to declare war?
9:27 — Disclosure: I don’t watch much of the debate, I’m too busy typing. The two times I’ve looked up, I’ve seen Pierce Brosnan and Jason Alexander. Point is: I keep hearing this old cranky First Lady sounding voice, 15 minutes non-stop. Did she win the election?
9:29 — Did anyone notice that Barack “The Most Liberal Senator In Luo Tribe Land” Obama is wearing a purple tie, like the gays? John McCain is furiously scribbling “FAG” in his diary, for talking points he’ll need later.

They're edgy over at Wonkette.

Gotta start making the buffet for Sunday! Go Pats!!