Back in my day, we had no grotto at Philippe. We had casks of MSG behind the Jade Fountain. And we were grateful

I've been remiss in my blogging this week and didn't fill you in on an IMPORTANT story:

Brady and the Fembot caught on tape doing the nasty in a restaurant: Tommy Boy and Bunchabones were out in NYC at Chinese restaurant "Phillippe" (??!! Which is right next to Goldstein's Mexican Cantina?) and apparently they slipped off to the private wine cellar for some monkey love. And there's a camera in there, and well... The busboys have now seen ALL of Brady's moves.
This story perplexed me greatly. Don't they have access to expensively decorated apartments and glitzy hotels? They've gotta go to a restaurant to get it on? Then I realized: they're underwear models (yup, him too, he's taking it off for Calvin Klein), and everyone knows that underwear models CAN'T EAT. It's like that movie The Truth About Cats and Dogs, where Uma Thurman's character confesses that she likes to order in restaurants but she doesn't actually eat. They're like that. Imagine. What if they're like secret, repressed foodies, reading the menu, salivating, yearning for the Velvet Spring Rolls and Jade Dumplings...mmm. You know you want some. Here -- wait. Do what I'm doing. Open up another window and put Philippe's website music on in the background. (Click here.) Did you do it? All set? You're back? Are you comfy? Okay.. Mmmm... That Vegetarian Flat Noodle looks like it would be good. Okay. Maybe flat noodle isn't exciting. I'm just getting warmed up. Stay with me. Ooooooooooh. Mr. Cheng's Handmade Noodles in a Veal Bean Sauce. Mmmmm. That's what I'M talkin' about. Mmmm. I just love me some Bok Choi. Let's do it baby. Let's have some Drunken Sea Bass, I'll try your Crispy Duck, you try my Oyster Sauce, and we'll finish it up with a little Three Within. See what I'm sayin' baby? What I want isn't on the menu. Chef Chow's cream sauce may be famous, and... yum! It really is velvety! Wow. Did you try that?! Oh, you gotta, it's so good! No... wait. Ahem. Let me swallow, and wipe that off. Okay. Here we go: But it's not the cream sauce I want. Except maybe just one more bite. Okay. Now I'm done. Just. Do they have toothpicks? Okay. I'm sayin-- let me sway to the music here. Get into it. Really. Okay: I wanna have fun. You know, babe? I wanna... Wang Chung. Let's slip off to that wine grotto... for a little Kung Pao...Biatch.

Okay. I think I get it now.

Update

Happy Birthday Alicia
(See comment below)