Charles linked to my blog from his again. I know this because my normally puny hit statistics have quadrupled again, just like the last few times he did that. You all don't hang around for long, though, and I thought that might be because I'm not addressing your needs. So, because I value your visit (and because this time he linked to me by calling me a bitch), let me make my smarmy case for the occasional skipping over to Choolie's blog.Now, I worked with Chuckkkk. I know Chuckkkk. Chuckkkk is a friend of mine. Senator, I'm no Chuckkkk. And I know that Chuckkkk's your Daddy. He says "click here" and you say "how high?" I'm not trying to compete with that. He's your familiar downy nest, and I'm but a stranger with candy. And sometimes not even good candy. Sometimes, it's that sticky Swedish fishy candy that sticks to your dental work, and I know some of you more seasoned Friends of Charles probably have some significant dental work. And some of you don't find me funny. And some of you don't find me interesting. And some of you are still wondering what a Swedish fish is.
But let me give you a hypothetical:
The phone rings at 3am. In your house. You answer it and inform the caller that no, there is no Lisa there. At 3:02, the phone rings again. "Brad" insists "that slut Lisa " must be there. You firmly say no, and hang up. At 3:04, it rings a third time and you spend until 3:24 counseling Brad that he must cut down on Jagermeister shots, go back to travel agent school, send his mother an Easter card, and never again drunk-dial the One Nighter with whom he suffered poor sexual performance after a vast misunderstanding in which she took him for a roadie backstage at Ozfest.
It's 3:25. You're not getting back to sleep in this lifetime. TV is all infomercials, vapid sitcoms and Jacqueline Smith movies. And you ate all the leftover Peking Ravioli when you got up to go pee an hour ago. Whose blog are you going to visit?
Choolie's blog:
- Accepts visits from smokers
- And Republicans
- And Republican Smokers
- Has no comments-per-post limit (except for spam and flaming)
- Loves an AOL chatroom feel
- Doesn't mind if you wear perfume/cologne
- And will never correct your spelling or grammar
Y'all come back now, ya hear?
NEW NEW NEW!
My updated stump speech (updated June 10, 2008):
My updated stump speech (updated June 10, 2008):
- And there's no porn here (Okay, so I just lost half of you...)
8 comments:
This is War! you f___g, C-word, filthy, slut red-headed bitch whore.
Dear Bestblogever & humble guy: I am a world famous cardiologist and I can predict with some scientific certainty that your level of anger is threatening the thin walls of you heart valves. I see an autopsy in your future unless you can bring it down several hundred notches. Have some chamomile tea. Take a sauna. This war stuff is going to kill you dude!
Choolie: I don't know what shit Lisa is saying about me but that chick f----ing loved my butt. It was no one night stand unless you call 11 hours a night and besides it was her jaegermeister! Why is she talking shit about me now?
Brad: you are like sooo delusional. If you call two minutes of "oh my god your done already" fun a one night stand you are just tragically pathetic. And why are u calling me at Choolie's house at 3 in the morning anyway. Get a whole life dude, just don't get it on my planet.
Granted I did land here because of what's his names Blog. However I knew I would like it because of your many witty, always thoughtful and intelligent Posts on Luckaducka's Blog. The Below listed features just sealed the deal:
Has no comments-per-post limit (except for spam and flaming)
Loves an AOL chatroom feel
Doesn't mind if you wear perfume/cologne
And will never correct your spelling or grammar
My dear Blog mistress they were not jaegermeister bombs but Tuaca bombs -- Tuaca is the new jaegermeister, fifty is the new forty, and sixty is not for sissies.
So there.
And I was off Lisa in a minute -- I had my fun finish your marathon yourself.
And why are there no Arabs, Mormans, and Hindus in Catholic Heaven? Well, why do you think they call it Heaven?
Hi this is Lisa -- has anyone called looking for me?
That hot guy Brad never called me like he said he would so I'm leaving the country and joining the Polish Peace Core.
You men won't have Lisa to kick around anymore. Bye ... oh wiat my cell is ringing ...
Choolie,
All those hits you get from what's his names blog don't suck. However some of those pinheads from his blog actually stay and no matter what you do you can't get rid of them:-)
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