There was Neil Cavuto, former Jimmy Carter intern and host of Fox's money show, Your World with Neil Cavuto. There was a time that I admired his big head for business, before the incident.
A couple of Christmases ago, when he was taking some crap for waxing sentimental about the holiday season, I wrote and stuck up for Neil:
(Sing to the tune of My Favorite Things:)
Neil's eyes, his bright ties, his smile makes you smitten
Hoping he'll send me a signed book he's written
His on-air expression as my letter he sings
These are a few of my favorite things...
I was thrilled when he used my letter on air, and promised me that book. But now, two (or maybe three) Chrismases later, I've finally abandoned waiting by the mailbox. That space of honor on my bookshelf, long reserved for Neil's promised-but-not-delivered book, will go instead to Lint Trap Cleaning for Dummies.
It's very painful to talk about... but I still love him, a little.
Update: Oh, it's the holidays.. Let's give him another chance, shall we? On his website he's running a little informal poll asking whether gift certificates are a good holiday gift. I sent him this:
from: Choolie
to: cavuto@foxnews.com,
date: Nov 30, 2007 9:50 AM
subject: Your poll: Gift Certificates for Christmas? Heck No!
But you know what would be a good Christmas present? The signed book you promised me but never sent when you used my letter on air a couple of Christmases ago. My letter:
(Sing to the tune of My Favorite Things:)
Neil's eyes, his bright ties, his smile makes you smitten
Hoping he'll send me a signed book he's written
His on-air expression as my letter he sings
These are a few of my favorite things...
I was thrilled when you read it, would've been even more thrilled if you sang it, and even more thrilled still if you actually sent the book. Here's another chance. Send me a signed book and on my blog I'll say you're still just as cute as Anderson Cooper.
(But either way, Happy Holidays!)
[My name and address]
4 comments:
How long have you been stalking on air pesonalities? This trend may offer new insight into your work at The Big Mattress and Charles' need to move several thousand miles from Boston. But, stalking or not stalking....you get a pass on this one because it's pretty damn funny.
Hmmm... Back in '72 I did drop that letter to Bert and Ernie counseling them that they'd never make it to the big screen unless they explained their "lifestyle choices." And many a S.A.S.E. was sent to ZOOM. And there was that fit I had backstage at the Rex Trailer show when my older brothers made it into studio audience while I did not... I never forgave that ol' sonofacowboy. Crimson Travel THIS, you know what I'm sayin'?
Are you implying there is a problem, MrMoss?
MrMoss: Choolie has been stalking me for years, and I can't do anything about it because she says she has pictures. Is she lying? I don't know for sure, but it's really not worth taking the chance. Her demands are simple, and luckily she has so many rug rats under her belt that she doesn't spend a lot of time bothering me- which is mostly on weekends. (Well, not Sundays because she knows I watch the football)
Charles:Hard to say if Choolie is lying. The only photos I've seen involve a skinny bearded guy with incredible flexibility and an unusually close relatonship with farm animals. Have ever owned a farm? Based on the clothing, I'd say the photos date from the mid 70's.
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