The Nutty Buddy

Hoo-rah!




"You don't feel it directly in the testy-cleez."

Woof and Meow

Halfcent and I (he the "woof" and I the "meow") have an ongoing debate about the relative merits of Skankgelina Jolie and Chinnefer Manniston. Okay, maybe we talk about the relative faults. Halfcent the Dog sides with Skankgelina, and I gamely took up the catfight for Chinnefer. Here's a point for my side:

MSNBC, The Scoop

Note: yeah, it's a mean and small, meaningless and pointless discussion. But I spent most of last night watching Wolf Blitzer and Anderson Cooper detailing how the recent political assassination in Pakistan is going to lead to global thermonuclear war, so I'm going to stick to celebrity gossip until my ulcer heals and my fingernails grow back.

Colorado Mom's Holiday Gift to Charity

In my surfing, I ran across this Colorado mom's blog. She's doing a raffle through her blog comments. Comment on this post (click here), and tell her your favorite charity. On Dec 30, she's going to close out the comments, choose a comment at random and send $1 for every comment received to the winning comment's charity. She's capping it at $500, and says she'd be surprised if she gets 500 comments. (Right now she has 16 comments.)

Seems to me it shouldn't be too hard to get to 500-- if I tell two friends, and they tell two friends, and so on and so on and so on... Pass it on!

Hallelujah! A holiday miracle!!

The National Enquirer reports (click here for link to story on Enquirer's website):

Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart have announced they're planning to return to TV on Jan. 7 — with or without their writers! "We would like to return to work with our writers," the talk show hosts said jointly in a statement. "If we cannot, we would like to express our ambivalence, but without our writers we are unable to express something as nuanced as ambivalence." Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien and Jimmy Kimmel have all said that they will resume their programs on Jan. 2. David Letterman's return is still being negotiated.

Chad V, The Holiday Special

I wanted to blog today, but the news is not good. I'm depressed that Bhutto was assassinated, and the news is full of knives in Christmas toys, tiger attacks and holiday slayings. Even the entertainment gossip is depressing: Romo and Jess are a "fauxmance!"

So what's a frustrated blogger to do but belly up to the bar with Chad for a few Chocolatinis?

Note: this is Chad Vader 5. If you need to catch up, click these links:
Chad Vader I
Chad Vader II
Chad Vader III
Chad Vader IV

Now, Chad V, the holiday special:

For Auld Lang Syne

Skippy, Paddy Boy, Vinny B. in days of Auld Lang Syne (August 2000)

I've been in touch with some old friends lately-- for instance, me ol' pal Paddy Boy, above-- and that got me a-singin' Auld Lang Syne.

But after the first line of the song, I kinda petered out. So I looked it up on these here Internets. It's Scottish! (And if it's not Scottish, it's crap!) And no, "Auld Lang Syne" doesn't actually mean "August 2000"... It means "times gone by." Hey, why not learn all the verses?

Auld Lang Syne:

Should auld acquaintance be forgot

And never brought to mind?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot

And days of auld lang syne?

Chorus (repeated between stanzas):

For auld lang syne, my dear,

For auld lang syne

We'll take a cup o' kindness yet

For auld lang syne.

And surely ye'll be your pint stoop

And surely I'll be mine

And we'll take a cup o' kindness yet

For auld lang syne.

[Chorus]

We twa hae run about the braes

And pou'd the gowans fine

But we've wander'd mony a weary foot

Sin' auld lang syne.

[Chorus]

We twa hae paidl'd i' the burn

Frae mornin' sun till dine

But seas between us braid hae roared

Sin' auld lang syne.

[Chorus]

And here's a hand, my trusty fiere

And gi'e's a hand o' thine

And we'll tak a right good willy waught

For auld lang syne.

[Chorus]

(If you're keeping track, I got this version of the song from this website.)

It's so wrong of me to laugh at this...

But what can I say? I'm human.

Do you think White House aides knocked up Brit's little sis

To distract us from Tape Gate? This thing is huge.

Here's what's interesting about the Britney-Spears'-Teen-Sister-Is-Pregnant Story

Update... forget the null set above. I did find something interesting about this story after all. Apparently Mama Spears is writing a parenting book, and upon hearing that Mama's 16-year-old baby is preggers, the publisher has "postponed the book indefinitely." (Story here.) Call it schadenfreude, but that made me LOL this morning.

Most memorable quotes of 07

From the Yale Book of Quotations. See if you remember who said 'em:

1.)"Don't tase me, bro!"
2.)"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and Iraq and everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for us."
3.)"In Iran we don't have homosexuals like in your country."
4.)"That's some nappy-headed hos there"

Click here for the answers and for more quotes.

Oh no. Say it ain't so.

Yeah, it's the Enquirer, but all of the political blogs are picking it up: rumor has it that John Edwards has knocked up a mistress. This is a cringe a minute:

Enquirer story here

Tony and Peyton who?

Thanks SirHollis!

God asks Peyton Manning first: "What do you believe?"

Peyton thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my fans."

God can't help but see the essential goodness of Manning, and offers him a seat to his left.

Then God turns to Tony Romo and says, "What do you believe?"

Tony says, "I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I've always tried to be a true sportsman, both on and off the playing fields."

God is greatly moved by Tony's sincere eloquence, and he offers him a seat to his right.

Finally, God turns to Tom Brady: "And you, Tom, what do you believe?"

Tom replies, "I believe you're in my seat."

No! I said I wanted some Elf CRACKERS!

Not Elf CRACK!

Get it?! Get it?! bwah hah hah hah hah.

(sigh.)

Aw dudes, it's Christmas...

Looks like my brother Steve at a wedding

Chad Vader, Episode IV

...the last Chad left us hanging...

Et tu, Shepard?

Oh for Pete's sake. You know, "not that there's anything wrong with it," but why do all my favorite broadcasters wind up being gay?

Surfing this morning, I came across a whisper here and a rumor there, and it all pointed to this--"From Out, out damn celebs!" by Kevin Naff, editor Washington Blade, Oct. 21, 2005:

"[Anderson] Cooper isn’t the only well-known TV personality hiding his sexual orientation. Shepard Smith, who hosts a popular program on Fox News and received widespread praise for his work covering Hurricane Katrina’s aftermath, also dodges questions about his sexual orientation.

Smith once chatted me up in a New York City gay piano bar, bought me drinks, and invited me back to his place. When I declined, he asked me to dinner the next night, another invitation I politely refused.

We sat at the bar chatting and drinking martinis until 3 a.m., our conversation interrupted only when he paused to belt out the lyrics to whatever showtune was being performed. "

I knew nothing about this when I was calling for a Coop/Shep jello wrestle!

Okay, okay, I can handle this. I love showtunes, and besides, what do I expect? Newcasters are kind of effete, anyhow. No need to hyperventilate. In the immortal words of Billy Joel, "It's just a fantasy. Wo oh oh oh. It's not the real thing."

But listen up, Alton Brown of the Food Network-- you're my last hope. In terms you can understand: skip the sausage, bucko.

Enfranchise HalfCent

Genuine Guy's-Guy HalfCent came over for a good old American Budweiser Friday night, and took me to task for all my recent drooling over dapper newscasters. He's not into Coop or Cavuto, but he did, however, approve of the recent Ron Paul post.

So, for you HalfCent, and for all the silent, suffering masses-- I give you The Ron Paul Girl:





Update Update Update--

Ohmigosh. I've watched some more, and this girl is awesome. (Does this mean I'm switching teams?) I give you Exhibit B:






Great Moments In U.S. History - video powered by Metacafe

Got Water?

Wow~ check out the big brain on Danny! Energy independence, here we come.





Thanks, NancyPants.

Spanking Alternative #214

A soothing car ride...

B.A. (Before Anderson)

There was Neil Cavuto, former Jimmy Carter intern and host of Fox's money show, Your World with Neil Cavuto. There was a time that I admired his big head for business, before the incident.

A couple of Christmases ago, when he was taking some crap for waxing sentimental about the holiday season, I wrote and stuck up for Neil:

(Sing to the tune of My Favorite Things:)
Neil's eyes, his bright ties, his smile makes you smitten
Hoping he'll send me a signed book he's written
His on-air expression as my letter he sings
These are a few of my favorite things...

I was thrilled when he used my letter on air, and promised me that book. But now, two (or maybe three) Chrismases later, I've finally abandoned waiting by the mailbox. That space of honor on my bookshelf, long reserved for Neil's promised-but-not-delivered book, will go instead to Lint Trap Cleaning for Dummies.

It's very painful to talk about... but I still love him, a little.

Update: Oh, it's the holidays.. Let's give him another chance, shall we? On his website he's running a little informal poll asking whether gift certificates are a good holiday gift. I sent him this:

from: Choolie
to: cavuto@foxnews.com,

date: Nov 30, 2007 9:50 AM
subject: Your poll: Gift Certificates for Christmas? Heck No!

But you know what would be a good Christmas present? The signed book you promised me but never sent when you used my letter on air a couple of Christmases ago. My letter:

(Sing to the tune of My Favorite Things:)
Neil's eyes, his bright ties, his smile makes you smitten
Hoping he'll send me a signed book he's written
His on-air expression as my letter he sings
These are a few of my favorite things...

I was thrilled when you read it, would've been even more thrilled if you sang it, and even more thrilled still if you actually sent the book. Here's another chance. Send me a signed book and on my blog I'll say you're still just as cute as Anderson Cooper.

(But either way, Happy Holidays!)

[My name and address]

Life imitates art (if you can call The Terminator "art")

The machines (our cell phones) are trying to kill us. Question is, do you want it quick or slow?

@#$%!, I'm crushin' on a gay guy again!

Did I learn nothing from the Ricky P. debacle in Jr. High?! Dapper, thin, and perfect hair does not an ideal mate make. O Cruel Attraction! O Tempestuous Fate! Oh.. honey. I'll be right there. Just gotta finish something up here.

But he is so pretty. I can still love him, can't I?

(Article here.)

My Own Socio-Political Couch Experiment! Yippee!

I've shut out politics for the last few years. But Tom Brokaw shook me the other day when in a TV interview he urged, [gravelly voice] "This next election is probably the most important in our lifetimes. Whatever your political view, you owe it to yourself and your countrymen to get involved." Sigh. Ooooo-kay.

Step number one: I watched the Republican YouTube debate last night. I purposely did no googling of backgrounds, and watched no post-debate spin so I'd be able to blog my raw, uninformed, Average-Woman-on-the-Couch impressions-- my own little socio-political experiment! I'll do it with the Dems, too, and then we can track how it all changes moving forward!!! I can do charts and graphs and.. Exciting, ain't it?

Alright-- on to my first impressions:

The CNN/YouTube Unholy alliance: 5000 video questions submitted by people from the internet and only 20 or so are going to air-- so you know the folks who got picked would have to do some wacky shit. It seemed disrespectful at first-- very different from the anchorman/blowhard-fests to which we are accustomed. But I warmed to it real fast-- great to see the mighty men have to deal with the off-the-wall. My favorite question was from the young guy on the rifle range who asked about the Right to Bear Arms, cocked his gun, and said into the camera, "You can answer any way you want..."

Anderson Cooper: still dapper and cute as a button. (Did I ever mention that he's Gloria Vanderbilt's son? Still waiting for that jello wrestling match with Shep Smith, Anderson! Wink! Call me!)

Candidates, going left to right on the stage:

Tancredo (to Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer song): "Ma-ma-ma-Mike Tancredo, has a very funny nose." Okay, so I just cheated and googled to find out his real first name. It's Tom. Not a big impression. Well, except for the nose part. That WAS big.

Huckabee: Charismatic. Has a theology degree, seems to know his Bible, but doesn't seem to thump it. He gave the impression of having strong convictions but also tolerance. Plus he's got that Jared-from-Subway, I-lost-a-ton-of-ugly-fat thing going on. Fatties unite.

Romney: I did have an impression of Mitt going in, I thought he was cool, calm and had Presidential hair. That was smashed last night. (Not the hair, the impression.) He was slick, wily and evasive. In the words of Elmer Fudd, "I don't twust him."

9iu11iani: (I saw his name spelled with the embedded 9-11 on a blog somewhere, and liked it.) I really disliked him going into the debate, but he scored points with me last night. He's got some charisma, despite his Sylvester-the-Puddy-Tat delivery. And he didn't seem as nuts as I had previously thought. He's also got a sense of humor, which, you know, he'd have to, since at any moment you expect him to break out with "Thufferin' Thuccotash!"

Fred Thompson: Ol' Fred scored points with me, too... but pretty much all he had to do to score points was not be dead. He didn't do any Papelbon jigs, but he did have a pulse. Way to go, Fred Ol' Buddy! Keep breathin'!

McCain: I had seen a YouTube video a while back, of a 12-year-old kid doing a McCain impression, and he had his little cheeks all stuffed and kept saying, "Call me Walnuts!" (Sometimes it's better to go into these things with no prior impressions.) So when I got over my immature giggling at the sight of Senator McCain, I realized that on the stage last night, this was the guy with the most Gravitas. He was the most Presidential... even if he hasn't convinced me that his vision is the right one.

Ron Paul: I like some of the stuff he says, I don't like his delivery. He comes off squirrely, a la Ross Perot. Dana Carvey's gonna have a field day. Plus, it seems the others on the stage aren't taking him seriously. It will be interesting to see if his surge continues and if he can be coached in Gravitas. I love that word. It's like onomatapoeia. You know what it is just by hearing it. Bees Buzzing. Bacon Sizzling. Presidential GRAVITAS. (The bolded caps and italics are supposed to make you hear it in a James Earl Jones voice. THIS IS CNN.)

Duncan Hunter: likes to talk about hunting, a built in mnemonic device. Coincidence? I THINK NOT! (For those of you slow on the uptake, that was James Earl Jones again.) Also, Hunter doesn't have as funny a nose as Tancredo. Built a bridge. Or a fence. Or two fences, with a nice road in between. And a shrubbery.

That's all I've got for now. I'm off to stock up on Huckabee Protein Shakes, Fred Thompson VeetaVitaVegimin, and Romeny Hair Gel. I'll catch ya after the next Hillary event...

Ron Paul: Dr. No

lib•er•tar•ian

n. 1. a person who believes in the doctrine of the freedom of the will
2. a person who believes in full individual freedom of thought, expression and action
3. a freewheeling rebel who hates wiretaps, loves Ron Paul and is redirecting politics

By Nick Gillespie and Matt Welch

Sunday, November 25, 2007; Page B01 Washington Post Click here to read article.

Excerpt:

In April 2006, the Pew Research Center published a study suggesting that 9 percent of Americans -- more than enough to swing every presidential election since 1988 -- espouse a "libertarian" ideology that opposes "government regulation in both the economic and the social spheres." That is, a good chunk of your fellow citizens are fiscally conservative and socially liberal; in bumper-stickerese, they love their countrymen but distrust their government. Anyone looking to win elections -- or to make sense of contemporary U.S. politics -- would do well to understand the deep and growing reservoir that Paul is tapping into.

Heidi the Science Kitten

Mild mannered cellular-biologist-turned-homemaker by day...

Act Meow!

Heidi the Science Kitten says, "Stop receiving unwanted catalogs in the mail!" Heidi the Science Kitten says, "Over eight million tons of trees are consumed each year in the production of paper catalogs!" Heidi the Science Kitten says, "Click here meow."

This is so much better than the dancing pizza ad

You're invited to a Tea Party on December 16...

Chad Vader, Episode III

Will the New Laser Checkout System never happen?!! And what about Clarissa??

Bleep everybody! Go Pats.

Click here for a mighty entertaining bit of sportswriting from Bill Simmons of ESPN. (Yeah, it's a very long piece, and I don't understand half of what's going on in it, but somehow it works for me. Kind of like the game of football itself.)

Thanks, Mr. 1/2Cent for sending this!

Afternoon meditation for the harried

A little Bill Wordsworth for your head -- ponder a leaf today, or a breeze or a sunset.

The world is too much with us; late and soon,
Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers:
Little we see in Nature that is ours;
We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!
This Sea that bares her bosom to the moon;
The winds that will be howling at all hours,
And are up-gathered now like sleeping flowers;
For this, for everything, we are out of tune,
It moves us not.--Great God! I'd rather be
A Pagan suckled in a creed outworn;
So might I, standing on this pleasant lea,
Have glimpses that would make me less forlorn;
Have sight of Proteus rising from the sea;
Or hear old Triton blow his wreathed horn.

Wired: "The End of Oil is Upon Us"

Energy crisis. We are running out of oil. Wired article here.

Is it time to start burning biodiesel in our homes? Check out this article.

(If it makes my house smell like French fries, I'm all for it.)

More with Darth Vader's Brother Chad

Chad Vader, Day Shift Manager Episode II. (Look for Episode I down in the October section of this blog.)

I'm trying to give Chinese toy manufacturers the benefit of the doubt, but...

WTF?

CNN: Toy with 'date rape' drug pulled

The Husband Store

(Thanks for this one, Nancy-pants.)

The Husband Store

A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:- "You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.

The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have A Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.

The 1st floor has wives that love sex.
The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The 3rd through 6th floors have never been visited.

Speaking of Minding Your Own Reality

When I named this blog "Mind your own reality" I thought I was on to a clever idea. I think it's turned out to be a private joke that only I get (or that only I think is clever,) but that's okay. Basically, I was thinking one day about how our own perspectives and experiences influence our understanding of the "facts" around us. Each of us has a slightly (or sometimes vastly) different background, and therefore one person's take on what's going on around us-- "the facts"-- is ALWAYS going to differ slightly from the next person's. So we all have our own reality, and they are all valid. It's like an opinion. You can't say my reality is wrong, and I can't say yours is. So mind your own. (It sounds less and less clever as I explain, but at the time, it was an "Ah-ha" idea to me...)

This morning reading the Herald, I found the best illustration of the concept: two accounts of an arrest outside Stone Hearth Pizza in Needham on Friday. You remember Friday afternoon- Needham was in lockdown after a guy installing a sprinkler system at a residence murdered the owner of the home sparking a televised manhunt. During that time, human rights activist Hillel Neuer, having finished giving a report at Yale, stopped in to the pizzeria to eat, change clothes and call a cab... Two realities resulted-- the one of the spooked Needhamites unaccustomed to lockdown and strangers acting differently, and the one of the busy international human rights activist unaware of the situation but with somewhere to go. (Check out the two pictures of Hillel's realities above, shaking Kofi Annan's hand at an earlier date, and being arrested outside the pizza shop at gunpoint.) Maybe it's my caffeine buzz, but I think this is fascinating:

Needhamites:

http://www.bostonherald.com/news/regional/general/view.bg?articleid=1042854

Busy activist:

http://www.bostonherald.com/news/regional/general/view.bg?articleid=1042864



If you had been having a pizza that afternoon, what would your reality have been like?

Manny on Leno

I used up all of my staying up late vouchers for the next year and a half watching those 8PM Sox games. Thank heaven for YouTube so I can catch the late night shows.

Big Papi Bedazzles Conan

I Heart Papelbon

Big Papi has vowed to get him back on Conan tonight. That oughta be good.

Elizabeth Kucinich 1, Media 0

I really wanted to blog about Dennis Kucinich this morning. After reading Howie Carr's column (here) I wanted to poke fun at Kucinich for seeing a UFO, or for hanging out with Shirley MacLaine or just rehash the fact that he looks like the Lucky Charms Leprechaun and is married to a gorgeous tongue-studded Amazon. It's not that I don't like him, or UFOs or Shirley MacLaine (or tongue-studded Amazons in theory)-- I was just being lazy, and he's easy comedy fodder. I mean, check out his appearance on the Colbert Report-- Stephen hardly breaks a sweat:





So when I read that Elizabeth Kucinich had done her first TV interview, I thought it was going to be a hoot. The correspondent, Norah O'Donnell, asked squirrely, Lifetime-TV-for-Women questions about all of those things we giggle about, and yeah, some of Elizabeth's responses were Lifetimey, too, but some were cool enough to make Norah look like an idiot. (click below) Way to go Elizabeth! I guess you had to be smart to hook up with Rumpelstiltskin!


Elizabeth Kucinich on the trail

More Yuks

This one's funny, too. I especially love the "one-fingered victory salute" at the beginning.

Friday Coffee Break Yuks

This is a little old, but it still cracked me up this morning:

Donate your taco!!

Arriba! The crunchy seasoned beef tacos are on Jacoby Ellsbury! Taco Bell ran a World Series promo, "Steal a base, steal a taco" and Jacoby came through, so today 2pm-5pm it's one free taco for todo el mundo (everyone!!) (Boston Herald story here.)

If you're not into tacos, some folks have setup a website where you can request that the financial equivalent of your taco can be donated to the American Red Cross. Go here to do that: www.donateyourtaco.com

And pass it on!!

PS I was going to say something about how Jacoby is so much hotter than a taco, but I can't make it come out right.

Can we get this girl a sandwich or something?

News is that Tom Brady and Gisele Bunchabones are all about the fighting right now. You know, ordinarily it would be natural to take her side--Sisterhood!-- but with everyone gunning for the undefeated Pats, and the Superbowl looking thisclose... Can't we find something else for her to do for a little while? I dunno, like, eat something?
According to the story, she quit her multi-million dollar Victoria's Secret gig to spend more time with him, and all he can think about is football and the Baybeee (his two month old son John with ex Bridget Moynahan.) So the guy's trying to work it out with his ex so he can see little Johnny, he's trying to take the Pats to The Bowl, and he's trying to keep his supermodel girlfriend from getting like so bored. DON'T GET ME WRONG! On another day, I will rant about how he made this bed (knocking up a beautiful actress and taking up with a supermodel in the space of a pregnancy seems, uh, perhaps a teeny bit self-centered.) But THIS IS FOOTBALL SEASON! And maybe I don't know a tight end from a loose end, but I am just getting to know the joy of an undefeated season, a fairy land which makes every Sunday feel like a playoff game. So I've gotta say to you Gisele: Leave Tom Alone!

Stop nagging him, pestering him, and stop sapping his man strength. WE need him. You can have him back for Valentine's Day.

Dwight Schrute will be so shocked and disappointed.

Dumbledore is gay!

The coolest thing ever

The Right Brain vs Left Brain Test. If you see dancer rotating clockwise, you are right-brained (creative), counter-clockwise, left-brained (logical).

Click on the picture to start the dancer spinning.

Which way does she turn for you?

For me she started by going counter-clockwise, but now I can see clockwise. I have achieved enlightenment! Unga la gunga.

PS I stole this from Charles' blog. I can't find the original website, but some have attributed it here.

Truthiness in the NYTimes

The cutest button of them all-- (cuter than Anderson Cooper and Shep Smith put together), Stephen Colbert.

Note: if the Times asks you to sign in, and you don't want to put in your info, go to bugmenot.com

Meet Darth Vader's brother Chad

Chad Vader - Day Shift Manager (Episode I)

GetOverItAndMoveOnAlready.org

Gore for Prez!

Testosterone Injection

Down in the "Cute Awww for Daddies" posting, I took a bunch of guff in the comments for not posting content for suitable for the menfolk.

So I am pleased to give this to all you manly men out there. Thank you for visiting my blog. I give you RiceGirl-- a naked, Asian, possibly drunk, California-girl who likes to talk about the Patriots! (Sounds like Christmas mornin', don't it?) Enjoy, boys:

Something made me embed this video.. as if I were in a magical trance...

More rice girl... you might want to wait til the coast is clear before clicking.

Simon's cartoon = nerdy; This one = good

Let's have a cute "Awww" for Daddies everywhere...

Did I marry a nerd?

Simon thinks this is hysterical.

It's Happy Fun Ball!

The recent flap about BayerCropScience infecting the US rice crop (Washington Post article, Greenpeace article) with their mutant, I mean genetically engineered rice made me look up this Gulf War I, SNL classic. (Note: click here for the Bayer CropScience press release stating that the US Dept of Agriculture completed its investigation "without concluding that Bayer CropScience violated any legal requirement with respect to low-level presence of genetically engineered rice in commercial rice." So we're aaaaaallll goood. But don't taunt that Budweiser!)

And now, your moment of Zen...

Over at the Bird Lovers Only Rescue site, they've got a cockatoo named Snowball who loves the Backstreet Boys. No kidding! Click here. Really! Trust me!

The finest hops, barley and genetically engineered rice! Yum!

A nod to this post on Charles' blog (Contains links to interesting articles.)

Hail to the Hill?

A few of the political blogs (even national "Wonkette") have picked up on the obituary of Athanasia 'Ethel' Eliopoulos, of Lowell, MA who died October 5 at the age of 94. Her obit reports:

"With her passing, Ethel's final wish was ultimately granted when she did not have to see Hillary Clinton become president."

Herald columnist Margery Eagan laments, "But the rest of us Hillary loathers may not be so lucky. Few of us are 94. And mass suicide, while tempting, is not, really, an option."

Margery's column, "Dark clouds from Iowa presage Hillary victory"

Thoughts on Columbus Day

From Wonkette.com:

One thousand years ago today — or Friday, the 12th — a terrible slave-trading murderer/imbecile who did not even know how to spell his own name, which is Latin for “asshole,” landed at the “Sandals” resort in Puerto Rico or some such Caribbean island and thought he was in Bangalore. What an idiot!

There is no political news today and the Capitol is vacant and even The Capitolist is quiet all because Cristóbal Colón basically did not know math and mistakenly went to the Bahamas because the Islamofascists had cut off the road to India, where Europe outsourced all the white people’s jobs. (Previously, Genghis Khan was a NAFTA signatory so it was all fine, until the Muslims!)

Seriously, Columbus was retarded. To his death, he was convinced the mountains of Cuba were the fucking Himalayas. George W. Bush is smart compared to Christopher Columbus, that’s how stupid Columbus was.

So on his third journey to the “Wrong India” he set up a death camp for all the “Indians” who were actually Carib tribespeople known for their colorful reggae hats and “ganja.” He killed all of those people and also many Spaniards, who finally overthrew his cruel regime and sent his ass back to Spain, where he became a total Jesus Freak and spent the rest of his life bumming people out, the end.

To this day, hippies have protests against “Killumbus” landing in the Bahamas 515 years ago, because marching around with signs is a very effective form of going back in time and killing Columbus.

Ron Paul- a pizza in every microwave

Don't Tase Me, Bro!

From Wired.com:

"Just two days after it was yelled out in a University of Florida lecture hall, "Don't Tase Me, Bro!" has become the newest cultural touchstone of our pop-cultural lexicon."

The video is still jaw-dropping to me. It is awesome (in the most literal sense of that word) that the video has made the rounds of the internet the way it has. If you're interested, follow the links from the wired story to some of the response videos. "Little bitches like that need to get tasered a lot more often" from a soldier in Iraq. Or this one, which, well, I'll just let you go see it.

Find yourself in the cartoon below. (Click on the image to enlarge.) The most horrifying thing about this whole event-- I think I'm the one who forgot the Sun Chips!:

Don't Nuke Me, Bro!

Diplomacy! Thank goodness!

CEOs want emissions cuts more than Prez does?

It's no surprise that the White House is bringing up the rear on climate change. What does surprise me (that I learned in this article) is that a bunch of big companies have formed a group called the U.S. Climate Action Partnership (USCAP), that backs a drastic 80% cut in emissions by 2050. (Our Republican President is lagging behind big business???)

Why does big business want this, you ask?

From the article:

Why? Because many CEOs are now convinced that curbs on emissions of fossil fuels and other greenhouse gases are inevitable. What they need more than anything is long-term certainty about the price that will be put on carbon emissions, so they can start planning now. If the cost of carbon will be high, for instance, it makes no sense to build new coal plants. Instead, it would be better for utilities to put their investment into wind, solar, and other non-fossil fuel sources. Once those policy signals about the price of carbon are in place, the needed technology will be developed quickly.

Indeed, the European Union and other parts of the world have already committed to reducing emissions by signing on to the Kyoto Protocol. That, in turn, has created a market for carbon emissions and emissions-reductions technology that the U.S. is largely missing out on. Former President Bill Clinton said on Monday that the U.S. has missed the biggest job-creation engine in years by ignoring the need to combat climate change through reducing greenhouse gas emissions. "It's economic folly for the U.S. not to be participating in the carbon markets," says Kate Hampton, head of policy at Climate Change Capital, an investment banking group in Britain. Investors have poured $5 billion into cleaner projects around the world, in order to get credit for the resulting emissions reductions, she says. While the U.S. twiddles its thumbs, "others are out there hoovering up the cheap carbon credits," she says. And if the world now backs away from mandatory rules, "it would put those billions of capital at risk," she says.

Is anyone else really nervous?

Maybe as a nation, we should all kick the Paxil for a few days and get in touch with our inner anxiety. I know I know. I shouldn't be flip about medications. But this Iran stuff... I dunno. I've had to stick my fingers in my ears and visit my happy place a little to often lately...

I laughed coming back from the mailbox yesterday

They do good covers.

MBS Bailey

As I was searching for a lost earring behind the fireplace mantle in my bedroom with some really long computer-fixing-type tweezers, I retrieved a letter dated Nov. 6, 1943 on the letterhead of Miss Mary Belle S. Bailey Lancaster, Massachusetts. She was writing to "Billy," and with the letter I found correspondence from Billy written on the back of a Chapel Bulletin from the Army Air Base in McCook, Nebraska. So I'm thinking maybe Miss Mary Belle S. Baily lived in my house. I googled and found out that her family was prominent in town, that she became a music teacher, and that she was 72 when she wrote to Billy. Sometimes the Internet is SO cool.


Historic Homes and Institutions and Genealogical and Personal Memoirs of ... By Ellery Bicknell Crane


Historic Homes and Institutions and Genealogical and Personal Memoirs of ... By Ellery Bicknell Crane


Historic Homes and Institutions and Genealogical and Personal Memoirs of ... By Ellery Bicknell Crane


Patterson's College and School Directory of the United States and Canada By Homer L. Patterson


Patterson's College and School Directory of the United States and Canada By Homer L. Patterson

Hillary's Cleavage???

Apparently the good folks at Google keep track of the type of searches we make, and therefore have a pretty interesting picture of the political Zeitgeist...

The Mom Overture

Two of the GFs have sent this to me-- the Mom Overture-- everything a Mom says in 24 hours condensed to under 3 minutes. It's pretty good, but I'm only a little skeptical because these aren't the things *I* say every day. For example, she doesn't say,"Are you pooping in your pants?" or "Please don't bite your sister!" or "Chew slowly! Are-you-choking-are-you-CHOKING
-ARE-YOU-CHOKING?!" and I especially can't believe that she didn't include "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! I'm getting a migraine!!"

But other than that, I guess it's okay.

:) Thanks, Nanc and Ali.

For your coffee drinking pleasure, two minutes of funny commercials.

I like the second one best.

Uno, Dos, Tres, Cuatro!

Muchas Gracias, Nancita for giving us this!

Uhh..

(never mind.)

The reason I'll be watching Survivor: China this season

James
Age: 30
Home Town: Lafayette, LA
Occupation: Gravedigger

To quote Susan Sarandon's character in Bull Durham:
"Oh, my..."

And now, your moment of Zen

MrFriendOfMonkeyMoss took this picture of signage in Japan. (What do you suppose AFO stands for?)

Sure, we went to the moon.. but what has America done LATELY?

While we're hanging out on our couches watching American Idol and eating cheesy poofs, the Japanese are creating See-Through Animals. Hey, Youth Of America! Wake up and smell the Science!

Shhhh....

Thanks for posting that website on your blog, Charles.

Jiminy Glick

Yesterday I posted a video with Bill O'Reilly and Jeremy Glick, confounding MrEasilyConfusedMoss, as he was thinking of Jiminy Glick. Although they look alike, they are not the same man. Take your Ginkgo Biloba, MrMoss!



Here's another-- Jiminy Glick interviewing CNN's Anderson Cooper. It's not as funny as the above video, because Anderson basically giggles through the whole thing, but I just LOVE it, because I think Anderson is cute as a button! When his show was up against Fox News' Shepard Smith in the ratings, I always thought the two of them should just battle it out in a vat of jello. Or maybe warm chocolate pudding. Mmmmmm. But anyway, who knew Anderson Cooper was Gloria Vanderbilt's son? No wonder he's so natty! Loooooove him.

Colonel Samuel Willard

From The Military Annals Of Lancaster, Massachusetts by
Henry Stedman Nourse, pub 1889

The cutoff paragraph continues "...the Court of Common Pleas for nearly ten years. Three of his sons following in paternal footsteps early showed marked taste for military life, and each attained the rank of colonel."

Speaking of the colonel's sons, here's a piece about Abijah. Excerpt from History of the Town of Lancaster, Massachusetts by the Rev. A.P. Marvin, published 1879:

On the morning of the 19th of April 1775, Abijah Willard of Lancaster, the largest town in Worcester County, Massachusetts placed seeds in his saddle-bags, mounted his horse and headed for his farm in Beverly, to spend a few days, supervising the planting and sowing of the crops on the farm that he had recently purchased for £2,756.

Before reaching Concord, it is supposed, he learned that the British troops were drawing near.

His heart was divided between his sovereign and his country. A decision had to be made. He chose the Loyalist side, and in so doing gave up his home in Lancaster, which he never saw again.

Col. Abijah Willard was a man of character and influence and was greatly respected by his fellow citizens. He was considered to be the wealthiest citizen of Lancaster, Massachusetts. He kept six horses in his stables and dispensed liberal hospitality in the mansion inherited from his father, Colonel Samuel Willard.

For his first wife, he married Elizabeth, sister of Colonel William Prescott; for his second wife, Mrs. Anna Prentice and a third partner was Mrs. Mary McKown of Boston.

He was no stranger to war as he commanded a company under his father in 1745 at the capture of Louisburg and led a company under Col. Monckton in 1755, at the reduction of the French forts in Nova Scotia. The Archives & Research Library of the New Brunswick Museum has a copy of "The Journal of Abijah Willard" edited by Dr. J. C. Webster.

An officer of so well-known skill and experience as Abijah Willard was deemed a valuable
acquisition and he was offered a colonel's commission in the British Army but refused to
serve against his countrymen. At the evacuation of Boston, he went to Halifax, Nova Scotia, having been joined by his own and his brother's family.

At the close of the war in 1783, he petitioned for and received a grant of land at Spruce Lake. He named the parish 'Lancaster' in remembrance of his beloved birthplace and here he died in May of 1789, having been an influential member of the New Brunswick provincial council.

His family returned to Lancaster, Massachusetts, recovered the old homestead and, aided by a small pension from the British government, lived in comparative prosperity. His son, Samuel Willard died on January 1, 1856 aged ninety-six years and four months. His widowed sister, Mrs. Anna Goodhue, died on August 2, 1858 at the age of ninety-five.

Bill.. Bill.. Bill..

I wasn't going to blog about this. It seems like schadenfreude. But Fox News' Bill O'Reilly is in the news right now for a gaffe, and as I looked into it more and more, I found all of this fascinating.

Bill went to dinner the other night with Rev. Al Sharpton at a famous restaurant in Harlem. The next day, Bill-O went on his radio show and gushed about how nice it was at the restaurant, that even though it was run by blacks with primarily black patrons, "it was like going into an Italian restaurant in an all-white suburb in the sense of people were sitting there, and they were ordering and having fun," he said. "And there wasn't any kind of craziness at all." He opined that white America doesn't know this, that white Americans who don't have a lot of interactions with black Americans "think the [black] culture is dominated by Twista, Ludacris and Snoop Dogg." He went on to explain that "There wasn't one person in Sylvia's who was screaming, `M.F.-er, I want more iced tea.'" (AP article)

So, many in the black community are calling this "velvet glove" racism, a backhanded compliment saying, "look how well behaved those black people are!" But as I'm reading it, I'm offended that he thinks white Americans are so ignorant! Did you imagine that Al Sharpton was going around demanding more M.F. iced tea?

So I started surfing YouTube a little, to see if I could get his remarks. I got distracted. I landed on this video (added to YouTube June 2006), which is unrelated, but riveting. On YouTube it's entitled "O'Reilly Gets His Ass Kicked by Donahue," which I had to see, because I just couldn't imagine it. Donahue always seemed so mild-mannered, Clark-Kent-ish:



Who was that Donahue mentioned? Jeremy Glick? Who's that? Then I ran across this (added to YouTube May 2007):



Anyhow, not trying to get into schadenfreude. That's just where the surf took me today. Back to work!

That's okay. I have my own celebrity chef. Chef Boyardee.

Guess where my beloved's going for a work outing tonight? I'll give you a hint. It's somewhere I've always wanted to go. With a celebrity chef I follow on TV but my husband wouldn't know if he tripped over. A place designed by a Feng Shui Master, with an open kitchen, 40-foot blue pearl granite counter, subtle recessed lighting, warm cherry woodwork and Italian granite floors. A place that probably has something delicious, like Hawaiian BigeyeTuna Poke with Crispy Sushi Rice Cake and Watercress-Tosaka Salad or Sake-Miso Marinated Alaskan Butterfish with Wasabi Oil, Soy-Lime Syrup and Vegetarian Soba Noodle Sushi...

Follow up: You see, Timmy...***

For those of you who were disappointed in the schadenfreude post-- that Timmy wasn't this Timmy. You can see Lassie's Timmy in November at The World of Pets Expo in West Springfield, MA!

*** "You see, Timmy" as explained by Michael Keaton in the movie Speechless (total paraphrase, but this is what he meant): the You See , Timmy is the essential lesson for the day, the moral of the story: "You see Timmy, young boys shouldn't keep mountain lions as pets. Mountain lions should be free. To roam mountains." Or "You see Timmy, drinking too much soy milk causes men's essential fluids to dry up, making them want to shop for duvet covers, or enroll in scrapbooking seminars."