The Nutty Buddy

Hoo-rah!




"You don't feel it directly in the testy-cleez."

Woof and Meow

Halfcent and I (he the "woof" and I the "meow") have an ongoing debate about the relative merits of Skankgelina Jolie and Chinnefer Manniston. Okay, maybe we talk about the relative faults. Halfcent the Dog sides with Skankgelina, and I gamely took up the catfight for Chinnefer. Here's a point for my side:

MSNBC, The Scoop

Note: yeah, it's a mean and small, meaningless and pointless discussion. But I spent most of last night watching Wolf Blitzer and Anderson Cooper detailing how the recent political assassination in Pakistan is going to lead to global thermonuclear war, so I'm going to stick to celebrity gossip until my ulcer heals and my fingernails grow back.

Colorado Mom's Holiday Gift to Charity

In my surfing, I ran across this Colorado mom's blog. She's doing a raffle through her blog comments. Comment on this post (click here), and tell her your favorite charity. On Dec 30, she's going to close out the comments, choose a comment at random and send $1 for every comment received to the winning comment's charity. She's capping it at $500, and says she'd be surprised if she gets 500 comments. (Right now she has 16 comments.)

Seems to me it shouldn't be too hard to get to 500-- if I tell two friends, and they tell two friends, and so on and so on and so on... Pass it on!

Hallelujah! A holiday miracle!!

The National Enquirer reports (click here for link to story on Enquirer's website):

Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart have announced they're planning to return to TV on Jan. 7 — with or without their writers! "We would like to return to work with our writers," the talk show hosts said jointly in a statement. "If we cannot, we would like to express our ambivalence, but without our writers we are unable to express something as nuanced as ambivalence." Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien and Jimmy Kimmel have all said that they will resume their programs on Jan. 2. David Letterman's return is still being negotiated.

Chad V, The Holiday Special

I wanted to blog today, but the news is not good. I'm depressed that Bhutto was assassinated, and the news is full of knives in Christmas toys, tiger attacks and holiday slayings. Even the entertainment gossip is depressing: Romo and Jess are a "fauxmance!"

So what's a frustrated blogger to do but belly up to the bar with Chad for a few Chocolatinis?

Note: this is Chad Vader 5. If you need to catch up, click these links:
Chad Vader I
Chad Vader II
Chad Vader III
Chad Vader IV

Now, Chad V, the holiday special:

For Auld Lang Syne

Skippy, Paddy Boy, Vinny B. in days of Auld Lang Syne (August 2000)

I've been in touch with some old friends lately-- for instance, me ol' pal Paddy Boy, above-- and that got me a-singin' Auld Lang Syne.

But after the first line of the song, I kinda petered out. So I looked it up on these here Internets. It's Scottish! (And if it's not Scottish, it's crap!) And no, "Auld Lang Syne" doesn't actually mean "August 2000"... It means "times gone by." Hey, why not learn all the verses?

Auld Lang Syne:

Should auld acquaintance be forgot

And never brought to mind?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot

And days of auld lang syne?

Chorus (repeated between stanzas):

For auld lang syne, my dear,

For auld lang syne

We'll take a cup o' kindness yet

For auld lang syne.

And surely ye'll be your pint stoop

And surely I'll be mine

And we'll take a cup o' kindness yet

For auld lang syne.

[Chorus]

We twa hae run about the braes

And pou'd the gowans fine

But we've wander'd mony a weary foot

Sin' auld lang syne.

[Chorus]

We twa hae paidl'd i' the burn

Frae mornin' sun till dine

But seas between us braid hae roared

Sin' auld lang syne.

[Chorus]

And here's a hand, my trusty fiere

And gi'e's a hand o' thine

And we'll tak a right good willy waught

For auld lang syne.

[Chorus]

(If you're keeping track, I got this version of the song from this website.)

It's so wrong of me to laugh at this...

But what can I say? I'm human.

Do you think White House aides knocked up Brit's little sis

To distract us from Tape Gate? This thing is huge.

Here's what's interesting about the Britney-Spears'-Teen-Sister-Is-Pregnant Story

Update... forget the null set above. I did find something interesting about this story after all. Apparently Mama Spears is writing a parenting book, and upon hearing that Mama's 16-year-old baby is preggers, the publisher has "postponed the book indefinitely." (Story here.) Call it schadenfreude, but that made me LOL this morning.

Most memorable quotes of 07

From the Yale Book of Quotations. See if you remember who said 'em:

1.)"Don't tase me, bro!"
2.)"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and Iraq and everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for us."
3.)"In Iran we don't have homosexuals like in your country."
4.)"That's some nappy-headed hos there"

Click here for the answers and for more quotes.

Oh no. Say it ain't so.

Yeah, it's the Enquirer, but all of the political blogs are picking it up: rumor has it that John Edwards has knocked up a mistress. This is a cringe a minute:

Enquirer story here

Tony and Peyton who?

Thanks SirHollis!

God asks Peyton Manning first: "What do you believe?"

Peyton thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my fans."

God can't help but see the essential goodness of Manning, and offers him a seat to his left.

Then God turns to Tony Romo and says, "What do you believe?"

Tony says, "I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I've always tried to be a true sportsman, both on and off the playing fields."

God is greatly moved by Tony's sincere eloquence, and he offers him a seat to his right.

Finally, God turns to Tom Brady: "And you, Tom, what do you believe?"

Tom replies, "I believe you're in my seat."

No! I said I wanted some Elf CRACKERS!

Not Elf CRACK!

Get it?! Get it?! bwah hah hah hah hah.

(sigh.)

Aw dudes, it's Christmas...

Looks like my brother Steve at a wedding

Chad Vader, Episode IV

...the last Chad left us hanging...

Et tu, Shepard?

Oh for Pete's sake. You know, "not that there's anything wrong with it," but why do all my favorite broadcasters wind up being gay?

Surfing this morning, I came across a whisper here and a rumor there, and it all pointed to this--"From Out, out damn celebs!" by Kevin Naff, editor Washington Blade, Oct. 21, 2005:

"[Anderson] Cooper isn’t the only well-known TV personality hiding his sexual orientation. Shepard Smith, who hosts a popular program on Fox News and received widespread praise for his work covering Hurricane Katrina’s aftermath, also dodges questions about his sexual orientation.

Smith once chatted me up in a New York City gay piano bar, bought me drinks, and invited me back to his place. When I declined, he asked me to dinner the next night, another invitation I politely refused.

We sat at the bar chatting and drinking martinis until 3 a.m., our conversation interrupted only when he paused to belt out the lyrics to whatever showtune was being performed. "

I knew nothing about this when I was calling for a Coop/Shep jello wrestle!

Okay, okay, I can handle this. I love showtunes, and besides, what do I expect? Newcasters are kind of effete, anyhow. No need to hyperventilate. In the immortal words of Billy Joel, "It's just a fantasy. Wo oh oh oh. It's not the real thing."

But listen up, Alton Brown of the Food Network-- you're my last hope. In terms you can understand: skip the sausage, bucko.

Enfranchise HalfCent

Genuine Guy's-Guy HalfCent came over for a good old American Budweiser Friday night, and took me to task for all my recent drooling over dapper newscasters. He's not into Coop or Cavuto, but he did, however, approve of the recent Ron Paul post.

So, for you HalfCent, and for all the silent, suffering masses-- I give you The Ron Paul Girl:





Update Update Update--

Ohmigosh. I've watched some more, and this girl is awesome. (Does this mean I'm switching teams?) I give you Exhibit B:






Great Moments In U.S. History - video powered by Metacafe

Got Water?

Wow~ check out the big brain on Danny! Energy independence, here we come.





Thanks, NancyPants.

Spanking Alternative #214

A soothing car ride...